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There is a thought that rolls around in my head sometimes (more than I care to admit). The thought that I would prefer to be weak and foolish if it meant we didn't have to go through the past 20 months. If it meant that I got to keep my child, and follow the natural order of a parent going on before, I would rather be a spiritual infant.
Of course...that is a completely selfish and flesh filled thought, but in the spirit of being real, it is still in my head every so often. I'm thankful for God's providence & grace through all of this. I'm thankful He redeems all of this horror and that, even if I don't understand, that's ok because He makes certain none of this is wasted.
"Dear one, you scarcely realize the value of your present opportunity; if you are passing through great afflictions you are in the very soul of the strongest faith, and if you will only let go, He will teach you in these hours the mightiest hold upon His throne which you can ever know.
“Be not afraid, only believe.” And if you are afraid, just look up and say, “What time I am afraid I will trust in thee,” and you will yet thank God for the school of sorrow which was to you the school of faith. —A. B. Simpson
“Great faith must have great trials.”
“God’s greatest gifts come through travail. Whether we look into the spiritual or temporal sphere, can we discover anything, any great reform, any beneficent discovery, any soul-awakening revival, which did not come through the toils and tears, the vigils and blood-shedding of men and women whose sufferings were the pangs of its birth? If the temple of God is raised, David must bear sore afflictions; if the Gospel of the grace of God is to be disentangled from Jewish tradition, Paul’s life must be one long agony.”
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